Sunday, May 22, 2011

Vote

Highlight of Easter
Tau has written 2 introduction paragraphs for his holiday recount. Vote in the comment box which one hooks you - the audience, in the most.

Yes it finally came Easter, I also get to eat my chocolate Easter egg in the morning. We went to get some food lunch with my dad and the Takeaways. It was delicious.

As me and my dad came home, I felt full from the takeaways that I ate and I didn’t fell like eating some dinner. I had one more Easter egg in the fridge but I was still full to eat it. When I came back to the fridge it was stolen.

3 comments:

  1. In your first paragraph The second sentence doesn't make sense. I vote for the second

    ReplyDelete
  2. Are these paragraphs both introductions? Remember an introduction hooks in your audience, as well as orientates us. It is just the start of your recount.

    In both, I am a little confused about what your recount is going to be about.

    Was the rest of your writing about eating Easter eggs, take-aways, or the mystery of a stolen Easter egg?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well Tau I love your legs and hands are on your animation that you had work on and your teacher had told room 16 what you have done at class.

    I hope you have a great Friday.

    ReplyDelete

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